i have a serious problem i know this isn't that type of site and i know it's my first day and this is my second post but if have been here a couple of times as aguest and everyone seems realy so i thought i'd try here for the advice i seek. my problem is me i can't understand how the people around me like me. my friends like me,my family likes me even the people i work with like me but why? how can people like someone who hates them selves to point of self harm. a little while back my parents went away for a couple of weeks and i had to the washing. first time using the washing machine during the wash i realized i'd forgot to put the powder in the machine on that realization i snapped and layed into my self arguing with myself calling myself useless a complete waste of time and so on then i satrted hit my self. it was like there was two of me a mean,nasty side bullying the weaker timed side. to be honest the experience was rather scary. i sat there infront of the washing machine beating myself while begging my self for mercy and compation the beating inflicted on legges and chest seemed as if nothing compared to suffering in my heart. i sat there all alone tears streamed from eyes. it stopped when i had no tears left i manged to forgive my self for being so hard on and the beating stopped. but it's not the first time this has happened it's happened before i make a mistake and i get angery at myself then i beat myself. i carry regret with me and can't forgive myself for the things i've done even though the people i did it have managed to forgive me. i hope somebody can give some advice. because i'd like to have a relationship one day but i don't that person to suffer the way i do. i want to like myself i ant to be able to forgive myself but i can't i want to talk to someone about the way i feel but who do i talk me and my dad hardly ever talk and when i mention it to my mum she thinks i'd should put in a nut house i can't exactly bring in convasion with my work colleges and what would friends do would stand by me if they knew the truth or would they think i'm truly mental and leave by self. if read all of this then thankyou. any advice on what i should do would most apreciated. again thankyou.