National Mental Health Care

[exiledforcefreak]

Hello and thank you for calling The State Mental
Hospital.
Please select from the following options
menu:


>If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1
repeatedly.
>If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2
for you.
>If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and
6.
>If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want..stay
on the
line so we can trace your call.
>If you are delusional,
press 7 and your call will be forwarded to the
Mother Ship.
>If
you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will
tell
you which number to press.
>If you are manic-depressive, it
doesn't matter which number you press,
nothing will make you happy
anyway.
>If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
>If you
are bipolar, please leave a message after the beep or before the
beep
or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
>If you have short-term
memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term
memory loss, press
9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
>If you have low
self-esteem, please hang up. Our operators are too
busy to
talk with you.
>If you are menopausal, put the gun down, hang
up, turn on the fan, lie
down and cry. You won't
be crazy forever.
If you are blonde,
don't press any buttons - you'll just mess it up.

>This coming
week is National Mental Health Care week.
>You can do your part by
remembering to contact at least one unstable
person to show you
care.