Joke of the Day

Digital Jedi

Digital Jedi

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[info]A bear walks into a bar and says, "I want a bourbon and............... coke"

The bartender asks "what's with the huge pause?"

The bear says, "I've had them all my life."[/info]
I'm going to post a joke a day. Why? Because I can. And so can you. It doesn't have to be original, new, or heck, even funny. Just keep it clean. Remember, we're family friendly around here...mostly.
 
[info]A guy walks into the psychiatrist’s office wearing only Glad Wrap shorts. The shrink says, “I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
[/info]
 
[info]There once was a lady from Bude
Who went swimming one day in the lake.
A man in a punt
Stuck his pole in the water
And said "You can't swim here -- it's private."[/info]
 
[info]A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."

He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away.

Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."[/info]
Why do I get the feeling we're walking a fine line here. Anyway, off to the jokes.
 
ccgdb.com said:
I'm 37...I don't know any family-friendly jokes.
Click to expand...
I'm a student, same thing. :D
[info]A man from the Isle of Wight
Could never write limericks quite right[/info]

C'mon, the best jokes are at least a little racey.

By the way, I stole that limerick I posted from the Wikipedia entry on "limerick". To the side is one I wrote.
 
A member of the United States Senate, known for his hot temper and acid tongue, exploded one day in mid-session and began to shout, "Half of this Senate is made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"

All the other Senators demanded that the angry member withdraw his statement, or be removed from the remainder of the session. After a long pause, the angry member acquiesced. "OK," he said, "I withdraw what I said. Half of this Senate is NOT made up of cowards and corrupt politicians!"
 
In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:​

Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?​

Coroner: No.​

Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?​

Coroner: No.​

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?​

Coroner: No.​

Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?​

Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.​
 
[info]Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.[/info]I think I need to take a little time off today. Sort some things out. Organize some things I've been letting slide. Get some things going that I've been putting off. Better organize my time. But before I go...
 
A blond guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby. One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys. The blond guy turned to his wife and angrily said, "All right, who's the other father!?!"
 
It's a blond joke, only this time the blond is male, as opposed to most blond jokes which are about blond females. The joke is in his response to his wife. Look closely. ;)
 
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